I'm a reader. I enjoy fiction, particularly classics and most American Literature. From time to time, I'll post and perhaps comment on particular stories I've read that somehow resonate or provide thought-provoking commentary. Up first, is Bud Shrake's stirring commentary about women in his 1964 under-acclaimed novel But Not For Love. If you haven't read this, it's definitely a must read and highly recommended.
The character Ben Carpenter, who is going through a divorce, says:
I want about the same thing ever man wants," Ben said. "What I want is a woman who's an extension of myself. Somebody who doesn't give me a hard time and who thinks I'm great. I want a woman that I can feel like it's you and me against the world, baby, and screw all them people out there. I don't want a lover. I'm all burnt out on that. I want something better. A companion. A partner. A helper. I don't know what you'd call it. Somebody who won't argue about ever damned thing and act like she's having a rotten time. That's all I want. But where you gonna find a woman like that? They quit making 'em about fifty years ago.
You could probably find one," she said. "But I don't know if you'd like it."
"Are you serious? Ever woman says she's one of those and they all think they mean it for a while. But it doesn't take long for them to decide their man ain't the king but is some kind of semiarticulate fool that's supposed to go to the PTA meetings and keep his mouth shut and not insist on too much lovemaking or any dirty stuff in bed and keep his eyes off other women and be a humble cowardly father who pays all the bills and hurries home from work so the television can blast his brains out and the kids can jump up and down on him and he can carry out the garbage and cut the grass and trim the petunias. He's got to be home so his loving wife will have a target to bounce her complaints off of and can tell him what an utter disappointment he's turned out to be and ask him what's happened to their perfect burning love. Love. Piss on it."
I’m not entirely sure where to even start commenting on this. My first thought, anything I say could quiet possibly would be portrayed as a mere defense of my gender. My second thought is well-
ReplyDeleteLove comes with responsibility. It isn’t just about the happy times, it’s about being there in the down times too. And if you’ve lived you know there are down times. It’s about joking with each other, laughing with each other, crying with each other. It’s about each giving 100 percent and both never giving up at the same time.
Sure, we all have a certain “idea” of what “the one” is supposed to be like. But, are we setting ourselves up for failure by painting this pretty picture of what that person should be, how they should act, etc? And let’s not talk about having expectations that just aren’t realistic.
Don’t get me wrong. I believe what did work will probably still work. I see my parents and their parents still happily married, in fact I can’t name a single person in my family who has ever been divorced (knock on wood). We’re human and that makes us imperfect. And imperfect people make for imperfect relationships. So there’s got to be a little give and take, compromise. After all, just like she’ll want to complain to the man, some day the man’s going to want to complain to the woman.
Am I right or am I right?